believeINmyself__x]

2009-06-30T20:50:00.000+08:00

Hesitated.

Economics, GP and Math exams are over and one word to describe it: Shit.

Oh well, expected it. But still, it aches to see that you can't do all the Pure Math Question, like wow. But then again, mistake learn (i think) and Geography's tml. I don't think I am gonna to finish studying it. So I'm so gonna flunk SA2.

Prelims will be better. I promise.

Note to Self : Not to fall into your trap again.

2009-06-26T22:31:00.001+08:00

I wish I was in Poly.

How I wished.

2009-06-12T23:41:00.002+08:00

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Lol. I'm just bored :D

Another Quiz:

Love at first sight is your style. You are not fussy about who you fall for, and often there seems to be no rational reason for you deciding to love someone, it just happens and you'll follow your heart. When you do fall for someone, you fall completely. Your love is somewhat child-like, or what people like to call "puppy love". While following your heart is important, you should also remember to use your head occasionally.

2009-05-23T21:50:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling empty and out of place.

2009-05-19T22:21:00.001+08:00

I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.

But you won't. I'm sure.

2009-05-13T22:27:00.002+08:00

Will you ever feel the same way I feel for you?

It's just a few more months before everything is over. Persevere on yea? (: It's also a few more months that i could...

2009-05-09T21:48:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wish I knew nothing about the affairs of the heart.

2009-04-25T21:36:00.003+08:00

I freaking hate this now. I don't understand why some people work so hard for their SA and passed all their content subject trying not to get into Star 1 and still got in & for some, who fail their exam got into the same Star level as those who didn't fail. WTF is this. Fuck.

Damn freaking bias. And what's more is that the stupid school promised us that if you don't fail ur March SA you wont get into star. What's the point now? I rather study at home. Noob Shit.

Fucking irritated.

2009-04-12T15:41:00.002+08:00

Double B.

Any comments? No.

2009-03-15T22:48:00.002+08:00

Study break is here already! (: The good thing is that I don't have to school but what's worse is that there's semestral assessment after the holidays. Ok, maybe study breaks? I don't wanna go for any STAR programme anymore ): staying back till 6 is not fun yea? So I shall start studying! (:

*

Stress is slowly creeping in. Seeing my friends working hard every night and sleeping late to do their revision totally scare me out cos' I'm not doing any of it! ): I must get used to the competitiveness, I guess. It's scary in a way to see friends being like this.

*

I don't miss you anymore. That's not lie.

2009-03-10T02:29:00.003+08:00

Right in the middle of the night and I'm doing GEOGRAPHY.. Oh please, I'm tired and I want some sleep. Fancy ending school almost everyday (3/5) at 7pm. I need a stupid freaking break. 3 more Essays to go and I'm done. Persevere on.

Okay, last Friday was the collection of Mother Tongue results. B grade. Disappointment? Maybe. Sad? Okay. Maybe I just did not get what I want but I expected my results to be like that cos' of my Oral which got a Pass? lol. So the next is PW grade. Oh well, same as well, no hopes on PW considering how I screwed my Oral Presentation.

*

I'm still not studying. Any motivations?

Maybe one day, I'll be free.

2009-02-25T16:56:00.004+08:00

Road Run today (: Okay Road Walk? At least, this year my class ain't the last group that are slowly strolling in :X I should really really start studying. It's not far from A levels though it's only Feb. But ya know, time passes really fast when you're not noticing yea? But I really want to go shopping so badly. Can I just squeeze in some time from my weekends to go shopping with my momma?

Okay.
Econs Essay. Geography ( Everything in green book), Math Probability Tutorial, Physics Superposition Tutorial.

Well, at least I dont have GP assignment ( if I'm not wrong) :D

It's a feeling that I never thought I would experience again.

*

Oh yea, And there's a girl carrying the same bag as me on Monday. I was like !@#$%^&! But I think clarissa said something nasty and I think she saw my bag too so the next day, Hazwani didnt see her carrying that bag anymore. I'm like I WON :D

2009-02-18T20:35:00.003+08:00

To buy or not to buy, that's the question.

Okay. Spin the Bottle at Heeren have a very very very hot bag & I like it, no LOVE it. It's not very expensive but I think it doesn't really worth the money. But the problem is that i LOVE IT. It's hot pink <--- (hotter than this) in colour! :DD It's nice okay, people?

Well, I think I'll just buy it on friday :D (people! don't snatch with me!)

GIS training was fun with Andrew, Amos and Xin Rong(: Had a great time talking, jokng and laughing at somethings :X Actually, it's kinda fun to sit in front of the comp and deisgn maps and stuff. It's cool yea? Better than real estate O: Maybe I should consider this job though it's hiring very little people in Singapore ( I heard) and NUS doesn't offer GIS as a course but only as a module. Maybe I wil go overseas to study this or maybe even work there :D Fun isn't it?

Alright. Back to Geography. Oh yea! I got Econs tutorial tml and I've missed out alot. And I've got structured remedial tml from 5pm-6pm while I end school at 1pm. It's like, joke uh?

Passport photo taking tml ! :D

2009-02-15T14:25:00.000+08:00

I'm so SO SOO RELUCTANT TO STUDY GEOGRAPHY. Gosh, how I wish that i could drop out of JC and do whatever I want. Drop out and work. This is like ringing in my head since school started. KILL ME!

Anyway, HAPPY BELATED VALENTINES DAY TO EVERYBODY (:

Maybe it's not so bad after all to be single with a crush.

2009-02-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

I hate myself. Why don't the school let me repeat? .... Stressed. I just want to lend a shoulder to cry on. That's all the encouragement and comfort I need. If you were there ...

Buried deep down in my sorrows.

sometimes when everything seems too perfect, like nothing could go wrong. you start to wonder if its all a dream. and the next moment. it all turns into a bad dream, a nightmare that doesnt seems to end.

2009-02-09T05:51:00.000+08:00

aiyah, pictures ain't very clear. & dont mind my un-glamness
and some super outdated photos with fiona, wani and luyin during our ocip trip <3>
& once the conversation starts,
attracted to you, not anymore.

Muffin baking yesterday was a success with HuiChin! :D It was fun laa when you do baking with your friends as compared to when you do it alone. Maybe I should take up baking lessons water A's and also driving lessons after 18? Clubbing? Under Pending.

*

2009-02-07T17:46:00.000+08:00

and yea, i got my mortal's name(: i wonder who's my angel anyway..

Cerebral Palsy Centre was okay, quite intimidating at first but I think I can offer help to them in the next few sessions. Yea, I'm sure.

I wanna do some baking, badly! Maybe, some chocolate muffins?

Wait, complete your GP first. Period ):

**

My chocolate muffins all chao ta la cos' I forgot to grease the container. *Cries*. Good thing I finished off my homework first if not I'm wasting my time :D

Read quite a number of blogs of some "TPJC gonna-be" complaining and ranting about how much they are reluctant to go to TPJC. Come on la! It's just two years? Make new friends there like how I used to. I'm not living in the East area and that's why, most of my friends are not in TPJC. Friends make your life easier & I don't understand why people kept commenting on TPJC is a slack JC. It's you who determine whether to be slack or not, not the school. Oh please. Get a life. If you're disciplined, no matter which JC you go, you will excel.

TPJC is not bad afterall, there are nice people there(: Make friends! It's not all about mugging yo. Okay. Irritated. Period.

I'll never know who you are, never ever.

2009-02-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

There's not much time left. Heading off to training at the home beside Meridian JC tomorrow(: Meeting up with Fiona and the rest tml. Haven't been seeing her for quite a long time yea? Have been busy with school and stuff. We got lots to catch up babe(:

I want to get good grades laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. 2 weeks to cover everything in Hydro before lecture test. I must do well in this test if not, I'll be forced to "drop" geography again. lol.

2009-02-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

It's time to let go of everything what I had for a year. If you could hear my voice in my heart, you should know it's not easy. I've been giving myself many excuses and reasons but it's useless. Why not give myself a chance to let go?

*

Results are unsightly, horrible, indescribable.

Study la can.
But can studying bring me out of this mess and not think about it?

2009-01-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

If it's not for friends, I will be in a bottomless pit.

It's still you that I can't forget. Could someone understand ?

2008-11-28T10:50:00.000+08:00

I can't count the number the times you have hurt me. Neither I could trust nor love you anymore. I don't want to get hurt by you anymore. I'm sorry boy. Let me be selfish for once. Goodbye (:

I'M FLYING TO HONG KONG EVERYBODY. MISS ME! :D

Okay. Talking about holiday homework. *ahem* Let's not talk about it. I havent even started :X And yea, class chalet was okay luh. BBQ night was fun :D

&&&&& I finally cut my fringe luh. Like finally == I cut er... bangs. LOL. So guys, dont be shocked when u see me :X

Adios~ :D

We'll be strangers cos' I'll be walking past you unknowingly the next time we "meet".

2008-11-22T21:12:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back from India. No more curry, no more nan (if it's how you spell it) I love the smell of Singapore (:

Sometimes I wonder whether do I still love you.I had enough already.

2008-11-12T16:07:00.000+08:00

My grandfather past away yesterday. Could not manage to see him for the last time cos' I'm not in HK. I could see my dad's expression last night. I know it's devastating for him. Maybe after the India trip, I will be going back to HK for his funeral. Yupp.

I can't cry cos' I know it's not worth is anymore.

2008-11-07T17:39:00.001+08:00

Everything's over now. Results, Year 2008, PW.

Yea, got promoted but not as a whole class. I'm really gonna miss all of them. Looking forward to class chalet on 23-25Nov where the whole class (i hope so) is there again :DD

FIONA! SHOPPING WITH YOU, I WANT! :D

Gonna upload Sentosa's picture soon.

I love the sunset photo and jumping shots. <3

* * * *

I can't tell when you're saying the truth, when you're lying.
You got me crying all night that day...

but I still choose to stay by you
till I'm numb, till I'm tired, till my love is really gone.

How do you want me to love you? Freedom, I'll give.

Anyway, Thanks Fym for cheering me up and thanks for your eclipse sweets :D Love you babe! I will keep the container xD

2008-11-02T23:31:00.001+08:00

Tuesday is the actual OP. I'm not nervous now but it's hard to say when I'm in the room with assessors looking at me :X Going to school to rehearse with my members tomorrow. I hate going to school cos' it's FAR. Ew. It takes me 45 minutes to reach there since the side gate is not open tomorrow. Double Ew.

I can't wait for OP to be over and and AND the day (: GRINS*

I know I will love.
I know I will wait.
I know I will adore.
I know my feelings are gonna last.
I love, Raydon ((((:

2008-10-31T11:31:00.000+08:00

Why everything I do don't seems to go right? I tried to salvage it. I did alot of stuff that I normally won't. I really feel very terrible. It's like I'm so useless. Whatever I do, you just can't seemed to forgive me? What should I do? It's hurting me very badly.

I just dont wanna lose you.

2008-10-30T16:11:00.000+08:00

Screwed Chinese :D

I think I'm prepared to re-take MT next year. Oh well, though I don't really want to, Chinese periods are LONG and TEDIOUS and BORING and the list goes on...

Lessons are ending and study breaks are coming D: I hate study breaks. Yes. It makes me lose my momentum to study once I take a break. I don't like this.

I miss you.

2008-10-28T20:12:00.000+08:00

6 Nov marks the end of PW :DD Great great!

Finally got back my charger which I left in school on Friday and I can FINALLY use my laptop after isolating it for 3 days. Imagine without the computer for 3 days, especially on weekends and holidays. That's so horrible, terrible.

I hate army guys. Not all but.. that guy in the bus traumatized me can. I'm not gonna elaborate further. I feel molested D:

Due to menses,
My face, is rotting D:
Kill me.
Disfigure me.
Make me a Man.
DD:

Love doesn't come with the word forever.

I love you deeply,
I love you truly,
as well.

What About Now - Chris Daughtry

2008-10-18T14:20:00.000+08:00

WR is finally coming to an end ! :D Woohoo!

But there's still OP and I&R. *taps myself on the shoulder*

Right. Geography students have been bombarded with 12 essays questions and that's cool! :D
Oh yea. I'm going for Interact Club's OCIP to India thought I'm not a Interact Member. Anyway, I guess it would be fun and enriching. I would buy spices as souvenir for you all. And Fym, your "bangies" :D

Looking forward to squeeze 4 person in a room :X

I'm so gonna miss that person. I love him! <3

2008-10-10T22:02:00.001+08:00

You weren't there, you never were.
You weren't there, you let me fall.

But PW is always there D:

2008-10-05T19:08:00.000+08:00

I didn't know that I would miss you so much.

2008-10-04T10:54:00.000+08:00

You're definitely my brand of heroin. I guess I'll be addicted to you, forever (:

For all the things that never died, our love did.

2008-10-02T18:38:00.000+08:00

For all the things that never died, our love did.

I finally said it.

Well, in life, there are always sacrifices that everyone has to make, big ones small ones. I cannot say that mine was a big sacrifice neither could I say it was a small one. It's up to you guys on how you view it.

These are the little things in life that I have to forgo and move on isn't it? Maybe it's a very impactful incident for me now, but I'm sure when I grow up and when I look back, it isn't worth any tears. Just regrets.

I regret knowing you. Yes. I even regret loving and trusting you.

But I don't feel sad neither do I feel angry when you message me. All I could feel is : nostalgic. It's just missing the good old times that we had together. Laughing, talking about everything under the Sun, the experiencing the "feeling of love" again. But, it's not love.

But I'm sure, very sure, this feeling of " nostalgic " won't last. Cos' I've been through this before and though it hurts, I know it's better for me and you, and her too.

All the best for your exams, boy :D

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me, all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, never went away?
What if it's lost behind, words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

2008-09-25T19:07:00.001+08:00

My results are better than my SA, but still not up to my expectation.

GP: E
Chinese: B
H1 Physics: C
H2 Economics: U
H2 Math: B
H2 Geography: C/D

Why can't you just tell me it's over? I should not sms you anymore since I'm not the one you love. CONTROL.

2008-09-22T17:46:00.000+08:00

Do you know that...

you made me put on a smile after having a tiring day at school?
you managed to cheer me up no matter how angry I am but I just did not say it out?
you are the one I miss every time before I close my eyes?
I loved you more than anyone else?
how important are you to me?
all these feelings I've put in all these while are true?
you broke my heart by loving another girl?

You'll never know and it doesn't matter to you anymore.

I'm lost. Can someone, anyone, just show me the way to get out of this unhappiness?

2008-09-20T14:35:00.000+08:00

I want you back. Can I? I really need you back. No matter how much I say it, it makes no difference. Why can't I? Every night, I thought about you, me and her. What did I done wrong? I listened to you most of the time cos' I just want you to be happy with me. Does she makes you happier? Does she makes you more proud when you're out with her? I don't know what you want.

You're treating me nice all these while. I liked that, really. Just that I don't show it, that's all. But why are you telling me that you like her and you are treating me so nicely? What you want exactly?

I just want you back, nothing more. 72 hours more.

2008-09-09T21:46:00.000+08:00

Alright. General Paper, Economics and Physical Geography is over and done with :D
I should say badly done for Economics, okay for General paper and not bad for Physical Geography. Hope my Human Geography would also pull me up also(:

Awww, I screwed up my Chinese. Goodbye, Grade A :D Math too. Goodbye, Grade B:D A C grade would be just enough for this paper. 12 marks gone! D':
Studed for physics just now. Alright, just for 30minutes to clear my misconception. No practice or whatsoever.

I still can't compare up to her right? Olivia's still the best in your eyes. No matter how much you assured me that I'm good for you, I still feel that you yearn for Olivia. I guess, you wouldn't even flare up when you're with her. You'll be Mr. Nice when you're with her. Aye, I don't know.

2008-09-01T20:59:00.000+08:00

You never did asked anymore.
You never did show anymore.
You never did see anymore.
It was all gone.

Why I just can't feel anything from you?
Any security please? Any love please? Not anymore.
You're just getting tired of me I guess.
Another girl to entertain you would be the best.
I've run out of ideas to keep you entertained.
It was all gone.

I don't sense your presence like before.
I can't contact you immediately like I used to do.
Where are you exactly?
Hiding yourself away from me I guess.
It was all gone.

You said you loved me.
You said you want me.
You said everything just to make me happy.
But none was true.
It was all gone.

Giving up is the question.
You don't care whether if I liked another guy.
It's okay for you I guess.
How much longer can I stay strong with this?
Yes, I'm giving up soon.
No, my love ain't going away.

But what's not gone is my love is still there, staying stronger than before.

2008-08-21T23:25:00.001+08:00

I don't know whether is this love or reliance? But I've told you it's love. You did the same thing.

But why have you need to hurt me? Why are you willing to call a girl but not me? It's just a call. Yes a call away. Is it that hard? Have you ever put yourself in my shoes? Thought what I have thought? No, i guess. Are you just playing a fool with me? Just for the sake boredom that's why you targeted on me. Easy target huh? If you really do love me a bit, a call won't hurt? Just once. Once. Is it so hard to achieve? I don't understand a thing. I dont understand you. I don't understand love. Ultimately, I don't understand me. Yes, me.

I'm just a fucking retard girl. Idiot.

Complain or not.

2008-08-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

What's exactly wrong with us? No matter what I do is wrong, wrong and wrong. I'm just a fucking stupid girl who fell in love with a person I have not met through a fucking stupid game called Audition. Damn dumb right?

You're always asking me to cheer me up and expect me to reply your message immediately if not you'll be angry. Aren't you just comparing me with your ex saying that I cant do a better job in comforting you than your ex. Fine la. I suck. And now you're saying that I dont know you. How the fuck would I know you when I haven't even meet you and you don't even trust me at all.

Firstly, I don't even know where you live cos' you don't even want to tell me which means you don't trust me. Will I burn your house down or what? You don't even talk to me on the phone, but just sms. For six months, I haven't even listen to your voice at all. For the case that your phone have been stolen, when I called you, it obviously shows that you can't even face me. You don't trust me and you don't love me. FORGET IT LA. BREAK LA SINCE YOU'RE SO UNHAPPY ABOUT THINGS THAT I DO SO MUCH. Did I say break? Have we even started this r/s? Is this even called a r/s? FUNNY. Being in a r/s with a guy(dont even know whether is it a guy) for 6months w/o talking on phone/facing each other/knowing each other well.

2008-08-11T18:15:00.000+08:00

I'm hated.
I'm irritating.
I'm stupid.
I'm ugly.
What more worse can happen to me?

I tried to be friendly, but I was labeled as irritating.
So I tried not to talk too much, emo and dao came out of people's mouth.
I dropped to H1 physics, not having even tried to do SPA which is like 3 more days after. I'm just a coward.

He got a new girlfriend, I heard. Sad at first but Fine after that. And I thought he broke me off because of his parents wanted him to STUDY and now? Big Joke huh?

And maybe I'll get dumped in this week also. Dumped by him, friends and family. Everything is just wrong.

And I'm here facing everything alone.

Everybody seems to be having a great time with loads of friends. But me? Pathetic me. None. Should I laugh in disguise or cry?

And I suddenly miss LiZhen.

2008-07-24T19:44:00.000+08:00

Tonight I must complete:
-Geography Tutorial 6
-GP essay outline
-Preparation for GP reading lessons tml

Tomorrow:
-EoM by 10pm (soft copy)
-WR to Siew Hoon

Weekends:
-Chinese Essay and the leftover lian xiSSSSS
-Study for Econs Case Study Exam
-Study for Physics Lecture MCQ Test
-Integration Tutorials

To be continued...

I dont wanna do work anymore ): I WANT TO REST! D:

2008-07-23T17:09:00.000+08:00

I guess you wont be back. I must keep myself busy till the day I get over you.

Will you be back?

2008-07-22T19:42:00.000+08:00

A break?
Oh.
K.
Bye then.

I was relieved when I saw the online message saying that EoM submission is on Friday and WR on Saturday. If not, I would be crushed with tutorials, assignments and PW. Knowing that I'm lagging behind the others so much. I have too little time to waste yes? Oh yea, I'm back to Soprano 2. When am I gonna be at bass? How i wish luh.

No. I wont get carried away by emotions again cos' I'm still waiting. With trust, it's gonna be okay :D

2008-07-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

I hate going to school now. I totally dread it, especially when I need to wake up early when my eyes are not even willing to open at all. There's choir practice tomorrow at 9am. Choir finally resumes with NYJC conductor. Heard from I forgot who, he's like the 2nd Mr Liew :X which means all the best to me :D But thinking of it, I'm kinda looking forward to tomorrow's practice cos' I miss Mr Liew and the way he jokes and scold us.

Promos in less than 2months. D: ChuiLaam ah, work hard luh.

Today, you made me fall back in love with you once again.

2008-07-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

Last night, I told you. Finally, I plucked up my courage to tell you. It's not because I dont love you, but I know it's the right thing to do. You're busy with your exams and I'm just being a burden to you. It hurts to put up a strong front in front of you when my heart is bleeding but I gotta do it. I'm not confident at all that we will get back together after your exam. I'm taking a risk cos' I know it's not worth it to flunk an important exam because of a relationship. I've undergo this before, that's why I know. It's hard to make this decision but for the sake of not letting you regret, I would rather suffer this pain all by myself. I've counted the days, it's around 120days which is 4 months long. I can take up this challenge right?

You may not be thinking of me right now. You may hate me for doing this. You may not love me after that 4months. Or maybe, you already dont love me. Who knows? I'm not afraid to say that I'm scared to lose you. Cos' it's true.

You should know I got alot of stuff to tell you. But I didn't right? Cos' once I tell you my problems and how I feel, it will definitely affect and you will get distracted. You should understand why I am comtemplating between whether to tell you anot. I dont know how to explain in words but try to put yourself in my shoes.

This post is for you boy. I hope you'll get to see it.

2008-07-16T21:48:00.000+08:00

It's the third day already.

From since, I have not been smiling. I have not been laughing. I have not been paying attention. I have not been talking. I have not been myself. I tried to fake a smile when I see my friends in the morning and wear it till I end school. But sometimes, I'm just too tired to maintain that smile on my face. When I'm on the bus alone heading home, tears would just automatically well up in my eyes.

At night, around 10 o clock. My heart would act as an alarm clock cos it would just start to ache. I have no idea why but it just remind me of the that day. I dont talk muck now. I write more these few days. Not a diary, but homework. I have been using homework to numb my feelings.

There are lot of things going through my mind. Not only at night, but also during lectures and tutorial too. But there's something weird about me. Whenever I see anybody laughing heartily on TV programmes, it would make me wanna cry even more. Weird right? I've lost faith in everything, including myself. I dont dare to believe in what I say to myself. I'm afraid that what I have always believe in isn't correct. I'm afraid of having high hopes. I'm afraid of failure. Well, I'm a coward. Afraid of this and that.

I can't be that girl I used to be anymore.

2008-07-13T21:06:00.000+08:00

I seriously hate myself to the core. Seriously. I just can't do anything well. Useless is the word I should use to describe myself.
What more worst could happen to me? Failing grades, got dumped, no one to talk to and some others things I don't wish to share. I seriously don't find any meaning to live anymore. Sometimes, I hope I could just end everything.
This time, I really thought I found someone who understand me and will be there whenever I needed him. But well, I was wrong. History do repeat itself. Same old reason : O levels. While I'm having my Promos in 2 months time and I'm not blame it on you or whatsoever.

I'm trying to put everything and anything aside.

Stop Thinking and Just Work.

2008-07-12T21:12:00.000+08:00

Mid year result is SO SO undesirable D:
GP - S
Chinese - A
Math - U
Physics - S
Economics - S
Geography - B

What does this shows? I need to put more effort.

I definitely needa buck up for my failing subjects man. I don't know what went wrong for Econs cos' it was considered one of my better subjects and I didn't expect it to fail. I hope I'm not gonna get this kind of result for my Promos and get retained :\ Well, for both physics and econs, I just needed one pathetic mark to pass D':

2 more months to Promos. Gotta start mugging, girl! :D

2008-07-12T16:44:00.001+08:00

i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.

i really do(:

2008-06-26T20:52:00.001+08:00

I really screwed up my Math paper. Well, I forgot how to do partial fraction cos' my mind blanked out. 9marks gone. For the graph, the whole thing is wrong cos' I didn't bracket the equation. GG-fied. Question 1 and 3 are gone. I'm gonna get a U grade :D

Well, guess I really have to drop my combination. It's either Physics or Geography. Hope I'll do well in Promos then they give me a 2nd chance. But FAT HOPE yea? :X

While I was doing the Math paper, I literally flare up can? I crushed up the paper with workings and threw it on the floor. I can't believe I did that. SiongMin, who was sitting behind me, got a shock :X

Had PW meeting after that, it was the shortest meeting :D ( cos we only have to amend the survey questions) Anyway, SOMETHING perked me up and I wasn't that sad afterall :D

And due to exam stress, I bought stuff after exam and spent over 70 bucks. Yea,blame on exams :X

2008-06-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

I'm not gonna finish my revision by Tuesday. So be it then. I just don't fit to be in a JC cos' I'm just too emotional. I'm just too easily banged down by little things.

I've really tried my best not to get distracted already but still it didn't work out. Stupid huh? Well, it's good to let go of what's not yours. No use hanging on to it when it's not yours. He's not gonna feel happy anyway. He need her, not me. Right now, I really need someone to talk to but who? Either they are asleep or studying. Hehs.

I dont know how to say. I just dont know how to express my feelings now.

I just miss you and that's wrong. Thanks dude.

我只是太想你.

* * * *
I've got so much to tell you but you're always so busy, so busy to even hear what I've to say.

2008-06-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

I have been trusting you more than I should and all these while, you're taking me for granted. You dont pay any attention to me anymore like you did in the past. You've changed, you're not that nice to me now. Or am I being too nice and that's why you're taking me for granted? Shall we just put it to the end since I am not the important or treasured one anymore? I want to know what's your heart saying. If you dont wanna continue, then just forget it k? Dont pretend that you love me anymore cos' there's another girl in your heart. Dont you know that you have hurt me too deep down for it to be mended?

Baby, let this be the last teardrop for you.

2008-06-18T20:48:00.000+08:00

It seems that you dont love me as much as before.

Is it true ?

- but i still really do.

Athalie, Hui Chin, Me :D

Right, this photo is overdued and I tooked from HuiChin's blog. I went to help her out with Youth for Youth Project and it turned out not bad. At first, I was like KIDS? You want me to handle kids? I think I'll die before the 3hours activity ends. But it turned out be that I can kinda communicate with them. They are nice and cute people :D They ain't scary I thought they were.

p.s. I didn't really like kids at the start :X

2008-06-16T12:41:00.001+08:00

It's like you're all alone now.
Nobody's gonna listen to a word you say.
All I've got is nothing.

2008-06-11T21:02:00.000+08:00

I Wanted You - Ina

Lately I've been thinking about what I can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way.
I've got to stop it babe

You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I
I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore
Cause we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now

We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted youI,

I... I'm so sorry baby
But I, I... I gotta pack up and leave
But I, I'll always remember how we came close... to being how I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
I wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

and this is how much I wanted you.

2008-06-08T14:15:00.000+08:00

post deleted-

2008-05-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

Thank God, it's Friday tomorrow, it means that after tomorrow there's no more extra lessons and this means that I can sleep till late afternoon(: oh yea :D Went out study with Hui Chin today after school, didn't do much just managed to copy solutions from her for my tutorials. I need help badly in Physics, really.

Why should I hang on to this when I know nothing is gonna come out of it?

2008-05-27T20:46:00.000+08:00

7am, no, maybe during 1pm.
i doubt so. maybe 6pm.
i was wrong. then 7pm.
it's night time already.
8pm?
9pm?

it'd been a day. hours and hours of waiting.
but i dont hear a sound or vibration.
i lost hope.

chances have been given, but not treasured.
tired of waiting, but not loving.
pain in my heart, but not yours.
i'm a burden but not an encouragement.
i'm never in your heart, but you're always in mine.
i want to let go, but i dont bear to.
should i tell you, or lock it securely?

even if i've told you how i felt, you wouldn't give a damn about it.
a little more love, is it that difficult?
perhaps that love is given to a new girl
whom i dont know at all.
what is left for me,
is just the remains of our past.
perhaps, dont even consider the past,
consider lingering memories.

dont view it as love, view it as reliance.
dont view it as sacrifice, view it as killing boredom.
dont view it real, cos it's fake.

* * * *

In you eyes, I'm insignificant.
Ain't I ?

* * * *

2008-05-24T23:45:00.001+08:00

Went to cut my hair with Hui Chin before going to LuYin's house to do GPP. I hate GPP, like mad. This is like the 4th drath already, and I really hope that it would get approved =X and, AND I LOVE LuYin's dog! It's so much cuter than my dogs luhs. And now, we know the stupid reason for why she dislocated her finger :D

I hate tutorials! D: There so much tutorials for me to do during the holidays ! And dont forget online reading logs._.

After today's incident, I thought you would treasure me more, but I was wrong.
Let the pain be gone with the morning breeze.

2008-05-23T17:34:00.001+08:00

I really really hope I could at least get a E for my GP. I know I flunked my composition cos' i only wrote 1 and a half side while others wrote more than 2 sides? For comprehension, my application question was so deaded. Hahs. Gone case, i guess.

It was Economics after that. Time was definitely a important factor. I never ever run out of time in my exams before. Cos' I am always the first or second to complete my papers in the past then I'll put my head on the desk and sleep. It's like my first time running out of time. Arghh. I didn't managed to write both my policies ._. 15 marks eh. faints*

Guess I had to totally concentrate on my other subjects to at least get a B to appeal for continuing my 4H2 due to my predicted poor results for GP.

2008-05-20T19:12:00.000+08:00

Finally, choir is over! Thank goodness. I can finally like put my mind into studies now. It was a really good experience singing in the esplanade. But it wasn't that emotional compared to last year when we, Sec4s, are supposed to step down after our SYF. But I really had great fun with the J2s seniors, they are nice and funny ! :D

Photo, photo !
Next time luhs. I dont have the time =X

Anyway, got back my math faculty test. Expected, didn't pass. But something came passed my mind. Anyway, JC life is sure scary.

2008-05-19T00:29:00.000+08:00

Havent been blogging for days, I think. I didn't have the time or the mood. Concert is like just tomorrow and I'm beat. And yes, Econs and GP SA is just on the coming Friday. It seemed like this is the 2nd time that I'm so uptight about exams. The first time was 'O' levels. =X But well, due to the MANY choir practices, I've lost my momentum to start studying already. I realy need to pace up with the others, or at least do my best.

Celebrated my brother's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEN ! :D

But too bad, no presents for you cos' I have no time =X But at least i paid some for the buffet right ?

Alright, back to studying if not there's no time anymore.

It'd been 3months since that promise is made.

2008-05-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

MOTHER'S DAY !

I woke up at 12 plus today and it was really a nice,sweet and long sleep for me since don't know how many days. I had Choir yesterday and guess how long I styed in school? 7 hours ]= YES. You didn't blink your eye. IT'S 7! Woke up at 7.30am and reached home at 6.30pm. Well, it's for the concert anyway.

First thing first. Happy Mother's Day to my mommy! (: It had been a realy long time since I said it to her cos' I had been unfilial? Yupp. It's true. But I still didn't bought her anything for Mother's Day BUT I had been a really good girl at home, at least I didn't shout or what. =X Oh well, we went to Sakae Sushi for lunch and yea, I ordered her favourite dishes. I paid, you know. I've gone broke.

About this week, I am very pleased to announce that I finally, finally got 15min19secs for my 2.4km (: *claps claps* Though it may not be any achievement to others, it IS a VERY BIG achievement to me cos' I have been getting Es and failing grades for my 2.4km, except for last year. I had Li Zhen running with me and I managed to run for 13mins and I remembered that it's 5 less seconds to an A! Yea, talking about her. We didn't contact at all after 'O's but still yea. I reall needa thank them for supporting me all those 4 years. If not for them, I could not have gotten over it. And still, I remembered that on that day, I ran to Ang Mo Kio to find Li Zhen and yes, I was crying. Anyway, I really hope to meet up with them someday though I know we will run out of topic.

I haven't been doing well for my tests. Take my math faculty test for example, it was a total flop. Dont even mention about GP, it's U grade guys ! U ! But there's something for me to learn, which means I needa work extra hard from now onwards. DANG ! Econs and GP SA is coming. Not at all prepared yet. *faints*

Physics tutorials are already stacked up so high that I can't even see the teacher. I havent do the KLPs for all the policies. I have not been practising math AT ALL. Geography now is like my slackest subject of all.

I have slacked my way through this weekend. Recalling from what I've done for this weekend. it seems like I didn't do anything. You know what was I doing for the last 12 hours? ANIME! Anime isn't dumb ok!? It's stress relieving can ! LOL. I need a break, like seriously.

I'll try not to get angry anymore.
Is it fine with you?

2008-05-10T18:14:00.000+08:00

So what is it now?
Should I let go or hold on?
This is totally a wrong feeling.
It's not this.
You were so in love with me once,
if I were correct.
But not now anymore,
I suppose.
Should I bring myself to
end eveything?
Stop decieving yourself, boy.
You don't anymore.

Since you want it your way,
I'll let you have your way.

2008-05-08T22:09:00.000+08:00

GONE

I am sure that I failed my math faculty test today. HOHO. I was never good in math anyway, so yea. It's like thinking back, it's like I am not good in anything? I've never found any subjects easy before. Or maybe should I give up on my JC life, since I'm more to the poly side ?

._.
._.
._.

DEAD LAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

2008-05-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

A Little More

I think I really need a breather. I'm glad today's choir practice end earlier so that I could sleep till 8.45 before starting on my GPP and my math practice cos' of the faculty test tml. The amount of sleep I'm having every night is definitely not enough. Nightmares just seemed to stick to me whenever I close my eyes. There will be choir practices on Saturday morning till late afternoon and this means that I can't meet up with Hui Chin to build up my foundation for physics again.

A little more till june holidays. Persevere on(:

2008-05-03T17:53:00.001+08:00

I'm stressed. There's too much on my mind right now. I just feel like ripping my brain off.

****

I just wanna cry in your arms right now, but I know it's impossible.

2008-05-03T12:31:00.000+08:00

It's damn f. hot in here la ! ._. I can even sweat in my living room without even moving around but just sitting on my sofa. Goodness !

I need to get my engine started. Tutorials are waiting for me ! DDDD:

and everything has gone wrong, totally wrong.

if i were to stay, maybe i'll just get in your way

Ew, Chin is acting cute ><

Alyssa Chan took this photo herself :D

Defame LooYee ! :D

Labour day !

2008-05-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

I ALMOST FREAKING lost my wallet today man !

Like wth? I was in Bus 89 then i was busy thinking of some stuffs and I alighted just like that without realising that my wallet is just next to me._.

Thank goodness that I didn't take Bus 88 if not I got to take cab to Toa Payoh. It's like so far can ? And if i were 1 more second late, that bus would have driven off already. I really needa thank God man.

Oh ya ! About the scenerio on the cab, I was so freaking pissed off la ! I boarded the cab and I cleary stated that I want to go to Hougang interchange. Then he freaking ask me SO many questions on " Which way do you wanna go"? , " So I go from here/there can?" , " Is it nearer for you?" Goodness la. I was like, " Can you just freaking shut your mouth and drive your cab in it's maximum speed? ._."

Today wasn't that great. Jc life is getting more stressed everyday. But why of all times, this quarrel must happen? I'm having my faculty test soon and you're in the midst of your exams. It's not a perfect timing for quarrels. But, I'm sure this would go soon right? I hope everything would be back to normal. Yes, it's my fault. I aint gonna give up on us(:

I'm lazy to upload pictures cos' it's taking too long :D

It's never gonna happen to me

2008-04-30T19:59:00.000+08:00

Yes, I anticipate tomorrow cos'

IT"S LABOUR DAY .

Finaly, I get to sleep and rest and lastly SHOP(: Really la, I've been deprived of shopping since like centuries ago !

Tomorrow's aim : Two bags, 2 top/dress, accessories(:

Today was TPJC sports day, it was okay luhs cos' I wasn't really involved in it (: didn't have much sleep last night due to GPP . DDDDD:

I still needa catch up on my NEVER-ENDING FLOW of tutorials.

Life's hard ! DD:

For a moment, I'm tired of Choir. I miss NV Choir, it's so much different from TPChoir. It's not the standard of the Choir, but the people that you mix around. Yes, I missed those time where we were punished and scolded by Mr Liew. Yes, scoldings were hurting and push-ups were tiring. But still, that bond was there.

Now, in TPChoir, I dont see Charis, Hui Chin, LooYee, YangLing, Clarissa and much more. It were FRIENDS that made me persevere in Choir for 4 solid years. But for now, I just feel like quiting Choir.

Yes, I've to agree that
it's a wrong move.